Ohhhh snap, y’all. We thought the day would never come. We thought the U.S. of A. would be number one in everything all the time always. But we were wrong, my friends, because this here is the year of the Canadians (see: Carly Rae Jepsen).
Why? Because the average Canadian is now richer than the average American.
I don’t know how they calculate it with the exchange rate and all, and I’m not really going to investigate. You can take that up with Time magazine (someone probably already has). But it’s happening, you guys. While we’re busy arguing over whose fault it is we’re all fat, Canadians are secretly just plugging away making more money than us, Toonies and all.
It’s actually important to note Ms. Jepsen in this post because now that I think about it, she’s probably the main reason this is possible. She’s making bank on the catchiest song ever heard by the human race because she actually co-wrote it.
The article’s main point is that the average income in Canada is now higher than the average income in the states. I’m going to assume (incorrectly) that Carly’s income is included in these figures, hiking up the average. ERGO she is to blame.
So, how do we come back from this?
It’s not going to be easy, but I think if we work together we can do it. We can once again beat Canada in everything. Here’s how:
1) Stop outsourcing pop stars. I wrote a post about this a few months ago (clearly no one in the American government reads my blog), so I won’t spent much time on this. But JBiebs, Jepsen, Drake, One Direction (British, but Canada is basically the UK right?)…we’ve got to start manufacturing our own here, guys. We used to be a country of production. We used to make things, including pretty people who could sing and dance. But we’ve dropped the ball. We’re spending too much time making youtube videos and not enough time training up future hit-factories. I elect Usher to lead this committee, since he’s clearly very good at manufacturing pop stars. This time, go American though, Raymond, or you’ve let them win.
2) Let Canadian television borrow Ryan Seacrest for a while (for pay). He’s good at his job and everything, but we could do without him for a couple years. “THIS…is Ca-NA-dian Idol!” Can we force him to do this against his will? Now I just want to see it happen.
3) Form a human fence across the Canadian border and demand five dollars from anyone going into America. This also creates jobs so, win/win. Link Number 3,294 (Night Shift) in the Canadian Border Fence would be a job title in this scenario. It would totally work.
I can’t be expected to come up with all the ideas, okay? I’m no economist. I’m just a commentator no one asked to hear from. My job is to strike up conversations about the issues. But personally, I think there’s something there with Human Fence.
What do you think we should do to fix this imbalance?
