Listen, Adele. We've got to have a chat.
I love you and all, but you can't just keep winning Grammys and having babies and making the rest of us 24-year-olds look bad.
Sure, you're not married yet, so score 1 Laura I guess, but other than that, you're just crushing us, here.
You turn bad breakups into number one hits. You're the epitome of handling fame with class. You somehow manage to appeal to both high-brow critics and teenage girls. You eat vocal problems for breakfast. Let's be honest. What can't you do?
But I'm going to need you to cease and desist being so awesome. I hypothesize that there's a limited amount of awesome in the world, and you're hogging it. How are any of the rest of us supposed to live up?
Your baby is probably going to have perfectly sculpted cheekbones and a voice that shatters glass. (But hey, I can rap the first verse to "Super Bass.")
She'll probably glide through high school with grace and not end up on 16 and Pregnant. She might decide that she doesn't want to live in your shadow and become an award-winning physicist (who sings a mean karaoke) instead, but either way she will rise to the top. I can only assume that kind of awesome is genetic.
So Adele, I implore you: be a little less awesome. Not a lot, or people will become suspicious. Just a little bit. Like, admit you can't spell the word "pterodactyl," or let someone Punk you. Tell us you do crossword puzzles in your spare time or secretly hate the Beatles. I don't care. Be creative. Anything to knock yourself down a peg.
Because y'know what? Now that more people are becoming aware you're only 24 years old, I'm anticipating a lot of "what are you doing with your life?" kinds of questions, and I'm just not prepared to deal with that.
So thanks, keep being awesome (but not too awesome), and while I'm asking you for stuff---force your daughter to form a duo with Blue Ivy in about 20 years. We'd like to see that.
Love, Laura
P.S. Please don't have a boy, or half of the above letter will make no sense.
What celebrities are making you look bad? Or better yet, which ones are making you look better?