First things first, on this Tuesday morning: I SAW BEYONCE IN REAL LIFE ON SATURDAY NIGHT. I mean sure, I had to pay a hefty sum to do it and stay in my seat like 75 yards away from her but she was THERE. And it was every bit as incredible as I'd hoped.
For those of you who care very little about this experience (I don't understand you, but I accept you just the way you are), here is the quick roundup based on my predictions for the show:
BEYONCE BY THE NUMBERS: Number of outfit changes: approx. 9. (I know there were at least 8 but I think even more than that. I started to keep count but was too busy dancing to keep up.) Number of hats worn as part of her outfits: 2 (I was surprised by this. Who wears hats? Well, Beyonce does. And she was pulling. it. off.) Number of minutes we sang "to the left, to the left" before the song actually started: I predicted 3, and I'd say this was about accurate. One of the guys who got to sing this in the microphone actually screamed it in like a manic fit and I was afraid he was just going to spontaneously combust out of sheer excitement. Other lucky attendees included two angelicly-voiced children and one painfully tone-deaf girl. Number of "how y'all doin', Nashville?"s: She technically broke this up and said "Nashville," [screams] "How y'all doin?" But I think that still counts as 1 out of 2. Number of wind machines: I think 2 was accurate but it could have easily been more. UPDATE: My husband reminded me that there were at least two on the 2nd stage as well, so this brings the total up to AT LEAST four.
As you can see below, my friend Taylor and I did not skimp on the puffy paint. We were the only ones in a sea of 20,000 people wearing puffy paint shirts (Period. Not even small children were wearing these. Can you believe that? Kids today.). We were simultaneously proud and embarrassed, so I think the puffy paint did its job. Note that Taylor is 800% more artsy than me.
If you can't tell, mine says "Beyonce 4 President," and hers says "Who Run The World? BEY."
As we walked in to the venue and made our way to our seats we were impressed with the diversity of the crowd. Small children, adults, black people, white people, gay people, straight people, moms, teenagers. Basically all your kinds of people. I mean, everyone loves Beyonce, you guys.
We were also impressed how low the bar some women apparently set for the amount of clothing that counts as acceptable concert-wear was. Many women were just wearing fuchsia bras with like half of a denim jacket over top, but only buttoned once underneath the chest so as to give the necessary amount of boost. We learned that showing midriff is apparently back in, jumpers --while not convenient for bathroom-going purposes--are now all the rage, and that I apparently have a low pain tolerance because most women we saw were wearing like 6-inch heels. To a concert. Which requires standing. For hours.
The opener was named Luke James, who I chose to describe as a cross between Usher and Mr. T., due to his abs, gold jewelry, Mr. T haircut and shirt that he had ripped into a vest mid-song. I can't remember a single one of his songs, mostly because they all ran together and I had trouble picking out a chorus at all, but people seemed to like it when he warbled long notes at us (especially the high pitched ones), accompanied by nothing but some tracks and a drummer.
That was over pretty quickly and we proceeded to wait nearly an hour for Queen B to come out. But she's Beyonce and I was getting the privilege of paying an exorbitant amount of money to be in her remote vicinity so she can do what she wants. Plus maybe Blue Ivy needed a juice box or something. I don't know.
During this time it came to my attention that I am woefully out of touch with hip hop and R&B these days. Seriously the whole arena at one point erupted in cheers followed by dance moves I could never do on the first note of some song that I later found out is called like Birthday Song, sung (term used loosely) by someone I've never heard of. It was clear something was happening there that we were not a part of.
Finally she emerged and proceeded to blow our minds with her insane talent for two hours. There were huge LED screens, interlude videos that made no sense but Beyonce still looked pretty in, flying between stages via harness, dancers whose legs moved about as if independent from their bodies, basically all you could want and more.
I won't do a play-by-play because I have already written about 800 words and I'm still talking, but suffice it to say it was probably the most fun concert I've ever been to. She dances like no one I've ever seen and of course she sings amazingly. And she's someone who has so many hits that almost every song is just a dance party to a song you love.
My favorite part was probably after she flew to the other stage (closer to us) and sang "Irreplaceable", "Love on Top" and "Survivor." I mean come on. Dream team of songs. Plus we got to hold our fists in the air and pretend like we were survivors like Beyonce which I totally did because I will do whatever Beyonce asks me to do without question (hold my first in the air, put my hands up, snap, repeat after her…you name it).
Other highlights for me: "Get Me Bodied," "Crazy In Love" (though I was disappointed at the lack of Jay Z in this performance--you are married, Beyonce. This means you get to tell your husband to put his married pants on and do things he doesn't want to do and this should have been one of them.), "Run the World."
Did I leave anything out? If you were there, what was your favorite part? If not, what is your favorite concert you've ever been to? (And did you make puffy paint shirts?)