90s Kids Rule the World

I've started to hate being called a Millenial. I don't know if I even fit the category, having been born in 1988 (holla), but it usually has a negative connotation. Like all we do is text emojis and complain. And it's like, I only do that SOME of the time, okay? I contribute to society. I have a job. I don't expect people to just give me stuff. Usually.

I prefer the term 90's Kid.

And 90's Kids ARE contributing to society. 90's Kids are finally old enough to start grabbing some higher-level jobs. They're moving up in their companies or finding fame on the Internet and we are taking over.

Do you know how I know this?

Destiny's Child reunion.

*Nsync reunion.

NKOTBSB

Buzzfeed "articles" with pictures of discontinued cereals.

Girl Meets World.

These things are happening, you guys. And you know why? Because 90's kids made it happen. 90's kid corporate guys got together and were like, "You know what would be totally awesome? If we pulled in the rest of *Nsync to sing with Justin on the VMA's. Let's get on a call about that and circle back and create synergy and [insert other buzzwords here]. See you at Ultimate in Central Park later."

AND THEN THEY DID.

Things that we never thought possible are happening all around us, all for the sake of nostalgia for other 90's kids.

Middle aged dads? Thirty-something moms? Teenagers? Who cares? Their target market is finally their own peers, who now have some expendable income and are ignoring Dave Ramsey when he tells them to invest it in Roth IRAs whatever that means and are instead using it to buy Doctor Who collectibles online so MARKET TO THEM.

It's totally working. The VMAs (probably) had more viewership than ever. And let's be honest, we came for the *Nsync. But I won't talk about the VMAs because it would bring up another individual whom I have sworn not to write about this week (her name rhymes with Biley Fyrus.)

Yes, 90's kids are ruling the world. And I, for one, am going to enjoy it before Buzzfeed crumbles and 2000's kids start creeping in and talking about like…I don't know…when Justin Bieber wore real pants and American Idol was still good? The Wiggles? I don't know what 2000's kids like.

What do you miss most about the 90's?

Things I Forgot Existed (Until Recently)

The longer I live, and the longer the Internet exists, I have come to realize there is a plethora of things I would have never remembered existed if left unprompted. Thanks to the constant stream of nostalgia the Internet provides, I never have to go very long without remembering (thanks, 90's Girl Problem!). But here are a few things I genuinely forgot existed until I either had a divine revelation or...saw it somewhere. I thought you might enjoy remembering them with me:

Palm Pilots My dad had a Palm Pilot when I was growing up. But Dad's Palm Pilot was not for playing, guys. Not like those new fangled iPhones. It was all business. None of that Draw Something nonsense (Which I rule at, by the way.). Also you had to learn an entire new alphabet in order to write on it with the stylus. That seems unnecessary, but whatever. It was a computer in your pocket.

I'd like to take this opportunity to send out condolences to the Palm Pilot family for being rendered obsolete. You had a good run, and professionals of the 90's everywhere tip their hats to you.

CD-holders for Car Visors I literally remembered these existed only when I saw one recently in a car I passed on the interstate. (I salute you, Old School Twenty-Something, for keeping the dream alive.) Remember that period of time when CD's were the primary medium but iPods hadn't permeated the market yet? When cars still had cassette players in addition to CD players? When 6-CD-Changers were a luxury and they often had to be installed in your trunk? The handy CD holder attached to the sun visor in your car and eliminated all your problems. The double-decker ones even held about 40 CD's. [insert "oooooooo" here] I definitely had one in my first car. It likely included some burned CD's (remember burning CD's?), Coheed and Cambria, Taking Back Sunday, Chasing Victory and Mae. (All artists I still listen to. Not ashamed.)

Purple Ketchup This was a thing. I repeat: this was a thing. I still don't know why. It's not like with other things that were under-appreciated at the time but later recognized for their misunderstood genius. This, as far as I can tell, is still useless.

I vaguely remember in elementary school (ish), Heinz had the bright idea to market purple ketchup to children as The New Thing. Of course, it was probably more expensive than red ketchup and tasted exactly the same, but it was PURPLE, guys. Marketing genius. All you have to do to be successful in the food industry is market it to children (aka make it colorful). Eventually parents will cave at the grocery store. Even if it's purple ketchup. Point: marketing people.

NOTE: In the above picture I just found via Google, it says it is made with real Heinz tomato ketchup. It doesn't say it is real Heinz tomato ketchup. What does the rest of it entail that they couldn't legally call it ketchup? I demand answers, 90's Heinz.

Swine Flu I know this was only a couple years ago, but I had already forgotten about it almost entirely. I remember sitting in my International Business class in which my brilliant teacher decided to open the floor for discussion on the whole thing (terrible plan) and a girl (whose accent I have only heard replicated by people trying to do a southern accent who have never been to the south) blurted out over everyone else, "HUHN-DREDS UHV PEOPLE DAH EVERY YE-UR FROM THE FLU!" As if it was the argument to end all arguments. I think she had a farm and raised chickens or something (not an exaggeration) and was apparently very passionate about the swine flu not being a big deal. This is my main memory of the Swine Flu epidemic.

As a side note, college professors: for the love of humanity, NEVER open the floor to discussion about controversial issues in class, unless it is directly relevant to the subject matter. (See: my music publishing teacher opening the floor the day after the 2008 election results.) All it gets us is four particularly outspoken people starting sentences with things like, "Well, when you REALLY look at ...." while the rest of us hate our lives for the next hour and a half.

Anyway. Remember when Swine Flu was a thing and we all thought we were going to die? I'm not gonna lie, I got slightly worried. I mean, not buy-a-hazmat-suit worried, but I washed my hands a few more times a day.

Rolling Backpacks Parents were concerned about us falling over backwards and/or developing scoliosis due to the weight of our textbooks, so Jansport and LLBean thought to themselves, "Hm, what solution can we provide that will market well to parents but completely disregard social implications for the children? I know: ROLLING BACKPACK."

Now, I never had a rolling backpack (I was far too socially elite), but they always just kind of seemed like a mark of weakness and nerddom. Did you ever see popular kids dragging their backpacks behind them, trying to make sure no one tripped over it? I don't think so. They were too busy sticking it to The Man (aka our parents) by wearing their backpack on ONE shoulder (everyone knows that was the cool way to wear it). Due to the annoying omnipresence of my conscience, I only occasionally rocked the one-shoulder and generally stuck with the wear-it-low-so-it-bounces-against-your-thighs-when-you-walk approach. Still parent-unapproved since you are supposed to wear it high on your back (nerd alert), but at least it distributed the weight evenly.

What's something you forgot existed until recently?

And more importantly: how did you wear your backpack?

How the Internet Made Me Miss 1997

Around the tender age of 8, I made a terrible mistake. It seemed like a good idea at the time (don't they all?), but I would soon find out it was one of the worst decisions of my young life.

I brushed the hair of my American Girl doll.

Not in the careful, start-at-the-bottom-and-only-use-the-brush-it-came-with kind of way, but in the I-took-my-paddle-brush-to-it-as-if-it-weren't-made-of-synthetic-hair kind of way. And the poor girl was never the same.

I feel bad for little Samantha. After all, she was used to high society and Victorian class. She had a faux fur hand warmer to go with her winter outfit, for goodness' sake. And in a matter of moments, I turned her into Hermoine, circa The Sorcerer's Stone. (Yes, I just referenced Harry Potter to describe my American Girl. How relevant am I?)

I vowed to never brush the hair of my American Girls ever again. As a result, Josephina and Whatever-I-Named-the-One-I-Created (who, by the way, my non-conformist-self did not design to look like me, as the manufacturers intended, but instead filled the void of the under-represented Asian-American category in the American Girl lineup), never had a hairstyle other than the one they came with out of the box.

The only reason I was reminded of this incident recently is because of the widespread nostalgia taking over the Internet.

I think it has something to do with the fact that all 90's kids are starting to enter the "real world," so we need a little bit of childhood in our lives to supplement the new adulthood. The Internet is here to help. Thanks to Twitter accounts like 90's Girl Problem (LOVE), articles like this and Pinterest, we're all being reminded of the simpler days, when our biggest worry was if our Tomagachi was going to die while it sat in our backpack all day (as they were, of course, banned from use during class) or how to make our Furby shut up (did anyone else regret using hard-earned lemonade stand money to buy one of these?).

I love that no matter where we grew up, we all have similar memories like these. It's like a collective childhood. The friends you have now, who you didn't even know existed when you were 8, totally had a Lisa Frank folder and were Team BSB or N*Sync, too. (Or, for boys, Creepy Crawlers and...um...what else did boys have in the 90s? Pogs?).

While I absolutely love this trend and am enjoying every minute of the probably-premature nostalgia, I think it can also be a double-edged sword. Constantly longing for the past hinders us from fully enjoying the present or looking forward to the future. I'm as guilty as anyone in this aspect. I'm super nostalgic. I recently read a quote on Facebook (the source of all intelligent and never-misattributed quotes) that said something to the effect of, "If you're always rereading the last chapter, you can't move on to the next." While this is admittedly a bit cheesy, it resonated with me because it's something I've struggled with, particularly since I graduated high school.

During my first couple years of college, I missed high school. My friends, my small town---all of it. Now that I'm in my real-world life, I've started to miss college. I imagine this sequence continues on as you journey through life.

The truth is, we're making memories right now we'll look back on five years from now and call the "good ol' days." So let's resolve to make the most of it and maximize our time right now to make it count. I'm challenging myself as much as you on this---to look back on years past, smile, and keep moving forward, rather than trying to relive or recreate it. There's nothing wrong with a little 90's pop Pandora station now and then (Third Eye Blind is literally playing as I type), but I am going to try to avoid clinging to what has been and enjoy the phase of my life I'm in right now. We're always going to have a tendency to go back to the familiar, because, well, it's familiar. And the future is unknown and scary. But one day it will be our past.