The kind of nonsense we as the American public endure on a daily basis is just staggering. Octomom commercials, Mustafina's ever-pouty-yet-somehow-crazy-eyes,* two 30-second commercials preceding a one-minute long insignificant video, Kathy Lee Gifford's mere existance…the list goes on.
But this---this has to immediately jump to the top of that list.
If you haven't already heard, 98 Degrees reunited and performed on the Today show.
I don't think anyone knows why.
My theory is that because they canceled The Sing Off, Nick Lachey needed something to do. How much do you think he paid each of the other three just to be part of yet another vehicle for his mediocre success? Let's face it, is there really any other logical reason this happened?
Let's review the tape, shall we?
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Wow. First of all, how unenthusiastic is Jeff? Or is it Drew? I can never tell them apart. They all look like Lacheys to me except the one that's obviously not a Lachey. [Is non-Lachey's mic even on? I can barely hear his talk-rap in the bridge, and that is a travesty. Also is he related to Louis C.K.? I'm asking.]
Also, how pitchy is Jeff-Drew? Seriously, why are we doing this? Are they really starting over? Why are they doing the same choreography as they did in 1998?
Aren't these people dads by now? If you're a dad, you're no longer allowed to perform in a boy band. You're just not. I think that should be the rule of thumb. Have some self-respect. Wear a tie, you hoodlum.
To the three non-Nick-Lacheys, I ask: was this tiny blip of publicity this got worth the loss of dignity? Come on, guys. I mean LOOK at how bored these kids are. Just look at their sad faces.
FREEZE FRAME.
Let's analyze these folks who found themselves at this renaissance of 90's pop that was only-okay.
Everyone is painfully uninterested, except that 25-year-old girl who somehow knows the words to the song they are performing, which I have now realized is "Invisible Man." Even I wouldn't have remembered that song, and I'm pretty up on my 90's boy band lyrics.
Purple Tank Top is feigning interest. Striped Tank Top apparently finds Purple Tank Top more interesting than 98 Degrees.
Lady In Red looks like she's trying to figure out where she knows those boys from.
Sassafras McGee in the front is sassing her friend about how this song was her jam in 6th grade...or taking a duck-face Instagram photo or something.
Lady Taking A Picture seems to think this is worth her time and that her grandchildren will appreciate that photo, but they won't. If you're weren't born before 1991 you won't appreciate that photo. And seeing as kids who were born in 2000 are now in 6th grade, I'm assuming that is not the case for LTAP.
Lady In The White Shirt is bobbing her head contently but internally wondering when she's allowed to leave.
Her companion, Man In The White Shirt has a camera round his arm, but notice how he is NOT using it on 98 Degrees. Not even one little bit. He obviously doesn't want to waste his valuable memory card space. Which is deletable. That's how much he cares.
And last but not least, Blonde Kid. The center of this artful display of human misery. That poor, poor blond 13-year-old boy. Perhaps he was drug there by that one girl in that entire crowd who knew ahead of time this was happening and waited in line just so she could prove to the world she knows the words to the world's most obscure boy band song.
I'm sorry, blonde kid. Really, I am. I'm 24 and a girl and team BSB and all, but i had no part in this. Please don't blame all of us.
What band do you wish would reunite (practical or not)?
*SEE?? (Don't look directly at them.)
