My musical theater director in the grand total of three performances I was in during middle school used to say, "what I lack in pitch, I make up for in VOL-UME!"
I kind of feel like that's exactly what the UK's approach was in the opening and closing ceremonies.
They tried really, really hard. And clearly their people are proud of their country's books and farming or something. (I would have just let them reenact scenes from Harry Potter for three hours straight, but hey, that's me.)
Both ceremonies were clearly very elaborate, but I feel like they were just a hodgepodge of remotely-British things and glowing octopi. To be fair, this is the third time London has hosted the Olympics, so perhaps it was just hard to come up with a third idea.
But I digress.
The real thing I want to talk about is the fact that after planning this thing for years, the best culmination of British culture, star power and public interest they could muster was a Spice Girls Reunion.
And no one was even mad about it.
Sure, half the Olympians watching don't even KNOW the words to Scary Spice's pseudo-rap in Wannabe due to the fact that they were born after 1994 (appalling), but I like that the UK considered them beloved enough across the board to make their performance the big finale. Because the truth is, if the Spice Girls weren't reuniting Sunday night, would any of us have watched the closing ceremonies? The answer is no. No we would not.
Everything else was basically a Super Bowl halftime show, and you know it.
And y'know what, I say power to the Spice Girls. They were awesome for about 2.5 years, faded into pop culture history and just waited for the rest of the world to call THEM. They didn't have to beg to be back in the spotlight like the Backstreet Boys do every two years (I love them, but it's true). They went about their lives until the OLYMPICS called and asked them to be the main event. Doing. It. Right.
I'd be okay with being a Spice Girl right about now. Some might be ashamed to have that legacy, but not me.
Know why? They have been successful, productive members of society and got to join together to perform at the Olympics, basically just for the fun of it (and probably the millions of dollars they were paid). Who wouldn't want to reprise one of the best guilty-pleasure hits of all time on top of cars, looking as naturally-aged as ever, bringing joy to the entire world? No one, that's who.
Here is what the life of a former Spice Girl looks like:
Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) - maintains solid success in music in the UK, writes autobiographies (which I have now decided I must read) Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) - can now tout the title "singer/songwriter," also maintains solid success in the UK Mel B (Scary Spice) - also maintains solid musical success, has her own style reality show, is a judge on the X Factor Australia, and HAD A BABY WITH EDDIE MURPHY. I'm not sure how I missed that. Mel C (Sporty Spice) - holds the third position for MOST UK NUMBER ONE's by a female artist. This is real life. Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) - wife to David Beckham. Oh and has a fashion line or something, but mostly wife to David Beckham and mother of beautiful children. (winning either way)
So basically it rules to be a Spice Girl, and no one knew it until now.
Congratulations, Spices. You are what is right with the world. Thanks for not doing drugs and ruining my childhood.
What was your favorite part of the opening or closing ceremonies?