Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal, Vol. 4

Other kids in this photo will remain nameless for their own protection. I, however, have to claim it because apparently I was feeling like an attention hog that day.

With all that's been happening in the news lately (though I suppose I could say that every day), I thought I would take us back to a simpler time today. A time when concerns were as great as being in the right fort at recess or having a mechanical pencil.

Yes, it's time for another rousing rendition of: Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal!

If you're new around here or only read sporadically (no judgement), I have kept journals from the time I was about 6 years old until the present day. Middle and high school got the bulk of the pages, but there are some significant experiences documented in the early years as well. Here I decided to share this valuable insight for you so that you, too, may understand third graders. Or at least white girls who grew up in small-town Alabama and went to an even smaller school.

I write them exactly as they appear, [except for redacting and changing names to protect the innocent] so all spelling errors and/or hateful statements are of my 3rd grade self and therefore cannot be held against me in a court of law. Or Facebook comment threads.

You can read the other volumes here.

HERE WE GO.

Bedtime

1/30/97

Guess what? [Hermoine] said another bad thing today at school. [Fleur]'s tooth was bleeding and then was hurting and Mrs. R said "Just don't think about it." and [Hermoine] said "[Fleur], what did Mrs. R just say!?" (In a mean tone of voice too.) I think she's a meanie head. Oh, and Mrs. R doesn't do anything about hurts or pains. And one day my knee was hurting and Mrs. R. didn't do anything but say "I'm sorry." and today my side was hurting and she did the same thing.

Well, here comes another day, Bye.

Love, Laura

P.S. Today was Fri.

EDITOR'S NOTES: I have a new respect for teachers who do not moonlight as doctors. Also I included this entry solely for the depressing sign-off. Must've really been an off Friday.

Bedtime Mar. 12, 1997

Dear Diary,

Maybe I've told you but we are doing a talent show on the 28th I think, and Noelle W, Christie J and I are going to sing "Born to Be Wild." I hope it will be fun & a blast!! [insert smiley face under the exclamation points]

I blew it for our row in Vocabulary. I missed 2. We were going to each get a peice of candy but you know what.

Gotta Go! Bye!! [insert smiley face under the exclamation points] Laura P.S: Wish me luck in the talent show! (we're singing)

EDITOR'S NOTES: Come on, Laura. GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. There was CANDY on the line. Additionally I really need to get the hang of finishing my.

[This entry is written entirely in puffy pink marker] Mar. 26, 1997

Dear Diary, I saw the Hail Bopp comet! We went into the Lynn's yard & saw it!! [do not insert smiley face under exclamation points] At about 8:49 p.m. it won't come back for another 4[pink splotch],000 years! The last time it came when the Egipsions were building their pyrimeds. [crude drawing of a pyramid aka a puffy pink triangle] Laura

EDITOR'S NOTES: I appreciate the accuracy of the time. I think you can lose the "about." Also, valiant effort at spelling Egyptians. If English made any sense whatsoever, that would be correct.

5/21/97 Dear Journal,

Today a new Wall-Mart opened. I got a black Kelly named Deidre. She's a picnic barbie [strikethrough] Kelly. I also got a new CD. Spice Girls single of wannabe & bumper to bumper. Also we saved a kitty from a tree. It was white. We even called the fire department. Their names were Kelly [redacted] & Tim [redacted]. Now [redacted from previous entry]'s been my friend for a long time now. Today we [scribbles] My friends Andrea, Noelle & Christie got in a fight. Noelle's in Katie's fort now. And we settled whether or not to do a thing at the end of the year party at my house. I'll write again & tell what it as like. We're going to Detroit on Fri.

Gotta Go, Bye, Laura

EDITOR'S NOTES: Look at my adorable small town life. We LITERALLY rescued a cat from a tree and were excited about a Wal-mart. I mean honestly. Plus, Spice Girls. Wasn't life the greatest? Y'know, except that whole vocabulary faux pas. That was embarrassing. Get your act together, 3rd grade me. This wasn't 2013 when everyone gets a trophy. You have to EARN your candy.

What's your most embarrassing and/or hilarious memory from elementary school? Did you see the Hail Bopp comet or have the Spice Girls CD single?

Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal: Vol. 3

Workin' it on the first day of school

It's time for another exciting episode of Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal (Journal…Journal…)! The only blog series that provides you with profound insight into the mind of an eight year old in small town Alabama in the 90's. [read the past two volumes here: Vol. 1  Vol. 2]

This week's featured entries include some thrilling life milestones like puppies and hugging football players along with a rare glimpse into the heart of a bitter feud between friends. Let's dive in.

11/22/96

Dear Journal,

Not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before that we got a new puppy. We named it Molly. I'm listening to a mini boom box. It's my mom's. I spent the night with Katie last Friday. Today I hugged [redacted]. ^Also Today the football team is (well did) leave-ing to go play Pickins. Take State! [redacted] is my favorite football player and is also going to graguate from highschool. I'm going to miss him! Don't tell anybody but I don't like alot of attention when I get hurt. --> [insert page turn here]

Also don't tell about [redacted] liking [redacted]. Since I've moved, I've had a few best friends, here they are: [lots of names that I should probably redact because I'm facebook friends with them and people might get offended if their names aren't on this prestigious and exclusive list].

Emma and I have a lot of fun together. We play B.B.'s (which are Barbes.) and do a lot of stuff together. Thanksgiving is also coming up and Nany & Papa are coming. I better go now. Bye!

Love, Laura

12/13/96 almost x-mas

Dear Journal,

Today I lost [redacted]. She said that she was not my friend anymore. I said "I don't care!"

I don't like anybody in my class. (of course I'm talking about boys). [redacted] is a pain. He bugs everybody. (He's a little bit fat.)

We have a class play coming up. It's called "a visit from Santa". (the night before X-mas.)

Gotta Go!

Bye!

Love, Laura

P.S. Nerdettes alwasas stick together!

EDITOR'S NOTES: Okay in my defense, this kid was THE worst. But I still feel a little bad about writing that. It was a journal, okay? Don't judge me. It was a different time. Also it should be noted that all the words in bold here are highlighted in pink highlighter. I think it's safe to say someone gave me my own highlighter for the first time that day. I think calling my friends and myself "nerdettes" was my first attempt at self-deprecating humor. Maybe.

12/16/96

Dear Journal,

I have no worthly idea why, but [redacted] is not my friend because I'm a goofball. Uh, isn't that stupid? It doesn't make any sence. She used to be one of my Best Freinds!! Well I say Good Reddence! Ya know, I don't think she really likes me. Oh well,

Bye! Love, Laura

EDITOR'S NOTES: Y'know, 8-year-old Laura, I think you might be on to something. And again with the highlighter.

Befriend goofballs, everyone. We have feelings, too.

Tales from a 3rd (and 5th) Grade Journal - Vol. 2

This is the picture that should have accompanied my last post. I am wearing a hat from Marannook camp and at the Olympics. Cheering for Canada. Please don't shun me. I love America.

It's time for another exciting installment of…Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal*!

When we last left our protagonist, she had to go suddenly after telling us a riveting anecdote about getting to use mechanical pencils. What happened next? Let's find out.

Feb., Wednesday 5, 1997

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry I had to go last time. But anyway, [redacted]'s at it again. She wanted to be in our rock club. She said two things--- 1. she said she had no friends and 2. she said she saw us playing and stuff so she asked if she could be in our fort. I asked her how she figured out and she said number two. Well, I've got Allison for a babysitter tonight. Nothing really interesting.

We also took Molly to the groomer. She was nothing like the (Broomer) Groomer in Rugrats.

Oh, here's the bad news. I HAD A BAD DAY. 1st I got my name with a check. Then, I had to bathe with shampoo and COLD water.

I guess that's all I wanted to say, Bye!!

Love, Laura

EDITOR'S NOTES: It should be noted that any time I write two exclamation points, there is also a smiley face created with the two dots as eyes.

Man, 3rd grade me was kind of a jerk. JUST LET HER BE IN THE FORT, 3RD GRADE LAURA. Gah. But good for you for saving time by writing what she said first, then referring back to number two. What an innovative way to write.

One more random entry for the road:

Date not listed (COME ON.)

Dear Diary,

I'm in 5th grade now & I'm much more mature than those other times I've wrote.

Me & Elizabeth and Annemarie & Christie are doing a play if we find one we want from Mrs. Powers. It's gonna be good.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Man, so confident. It's like that one summer gave me the relief my anguished 3rd & 4th grade soul needed and I emerged a new woman.

May your day be filled with the confidence of a new 5th grader.

*some names omitted to protect the innocent

Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal

This is me in approximately 3rd grade at my best friend's birthday party (obviously in December). AWW I know I know I'm cute. The complete and total awkwardness didn't set in for another couple years. Apparently I was appalled at the thought of trying on dress-up clothes without wearing a T-shirt underneath. #modesty4lyfe

I've kept journals my whole life. Looking back, it was probably a good indication that I would one day love to write.

I mean, these entries are literary masterpieces, after all. Someday someone will probably compile them into a memoir and it will sell millions of copies worldwide and those millions of lives will be touched by my experiences and everyone will go on and on about how it's a shame I wasn't appreciated in my time and I'll get all kinds of awards posthumously and the next generation will have to use their internet watch or whatever to google what "posthumous" means because the english language will probably be effectively destroyed by then.

You don't know. It could happen.

Anyway, the point is, I have journals. From about 2nd grade all the way through college, and the occasional entry now.

One of the advantages of this is that I have access to a glimpse into the mind of an average [insert age here]-year-old at the drop of a hat.

I realize this is a somewhat unique position to be in, and such potentially-enlightening insight shouldn't be hoarded or squandered, but shared, right? With great power comes great responsibility and all that.

So without further ado, I present to you, tales from a 3rd grade journal:

July 26, 1996

Dear Diry,

I'm 8 years old now and I'm going in to 3rd grade. I'm also having a g-r-reat summer! I went to spend-the-night camp at marannook. It was fun! I also went to Canada.

Laura

P.S. We also went to the Olipics.

July 27, 1996

This morning a bome went off at the Olimpic Park. 110 people got injeired and 2 people lost there lives. It

[editor's note: that "It" was actually written there. It what?? IT WHAT???]

Feb. 4, 1997

Dear Diary,

Today I used a macanical pencil. Because yesterday mommy bought some for me. (and I paid her back.) And know what? Yesterday, oh,

Sorry Gotta Go!!

Bye,

Laura F.

Why did I have to go?? What happened at school?? How did the mechanical pencil usage affect my schoolwork??

Stay tuned for answers to these and other burning questions in the next installment of "Tales from a 3rd Grade Journal." (Trust me, it's a good one.)