The Voice's New Achilles' Heel

It has come to my attention that The Voice is adding another celebrity judge. Well, not so much a judge as much as Christina Aguilera's little helper. Because I'm pretty sure all four original judges are still there. I know, it doesn't really make any sense, but hey, NBC is known to make some sketch decisions lately. So according to EW, the role of Christina's Little Helper will be played by Billie Joe Armstrong. Yep, that's right, of Green Day fame.

No. Just...no.

I don't even watch The Voice, and I can't stand idly by and let this pass as an acceptable decision. (Though thanks to one of NBC's aforementioned sketch decision of canceling The Sing Off and American Idol's mediocrity I may end up watching it this year.)

Here are three very good reasons why this is a terrible idea:

1) This career move ruins any shred of punk-rock he had left. I'm not going to sit around and say Billie Joe Armstrong is the edgiest rockstar that ever lived, because he's not. There is a Broadway musical based on his songs. But he has been a part of a popular punk rock band since like 1990, and I feel like that gives you some sort of street cred (or whatever the equivalent of street cred is in the punk-rock scene).

But being a part of The Voice? Sure, Adam Levine can pull it off and still be a rock star because a) he is fantastic and b) he never even remotely tried to be the rebellious, political, all-black-wearing frontman. He does ADHD commercials and sings like a dream and hangs out with Wiz Khalafia. Billie Joe I'm not so sure can come out on the other side of this. Even the die-hard Green Day fans (I assume they exist) will probably bail on him at this point. Let's just be honest.

2) His voice is the worst, and this show revolves around one thing and one thing only: voices. Why do we want him teaching others to emulate his? His voice is like...a teenager who got really, really upset about the fact that he has to clean his room and inexplicably decided to throw on a nose plug and drone dejectedly into a microphone about it. "Moy shaaa-doh's only won that woalks besoid me..." No. Put that nonsense away. You are literally 40 years old. Stop whining.

3) He is about as versatile as a whisk. A whisk does one thing and one thing only. You can't pick up pasta with it. You can't use it as a utensil. You can only whisk things because it is a whisk. That is what Billie Joe is like. He can play three power chords and sing songs that are only slight variations on his other songs. Seriously, go listen to any given Green Day song. Same thing over and over again. He can only Billie Joe things because he is Billie Joe. And not everyone wants to be Billie Joe. In fact, I would wager that no one wants to be Billie Joe. Why are we even doing this?

For a person with a name that is so close to mirroring awesomeness (Billy Joel and Lance and/or Stretch and/or Neil Armstrong come to mind...), you would think he'd be better at life.

Who's your favorite judge on The Voice?

Snap Judgment: Fox's The Choice

Oh, Fox. Poor, sweet Fox.

I know Idol has started to gain speed as it tumbles downhill, tangled in Steven Tyler's feather hair extensions, but we thought the fact that New Girl is fantastic would be enough for you. But no. You had to push it one too far. You're starting to seem a bit desperate. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Let's just talk about it and get it all out.

Introducing: "The Choice."

Oh yes. They went there.

Don't worry, it's nothing like The Voice except it's exactly the same in almost every way. Four celebrity judges. Spinning chairs. Lots of choosing and rejecting going on. But with romance.

Is this or is this not the worst idea of all time?

Here are some reasons why it most definitely is:

1. It's an in-studio dating show, and the year is 2012. What focus groups did they use to determine the demand for this thing? People perpetually suspended in MTV in 1996?

2. They had the gall to try to play off its entire premise as a coincidence:

Of course, The Choice has more in common with The Voice than just chairs — like that title, for instance? “The Choice seems like an obvious title because you have to make a choice,” Darnell says, then playfully adds: “I’m just now realizing it rhymes!"

Really, Liar McPantsonfire? Really? You are JUST now realizing it rhymes with "The Voice?" If you're going to create a D-List knock off of a popular show on another network, at least go big or go home. Own up to it. Don't act like Vanilla Ice explaining the difference between "Ice Ice Baby" and "Under Pressure."

No one thinks you're clever here. Especially since your justification for the name was essentially: "uh, you have to make a choice…so we called it the choice." UGH. I want to punch you in the face.

3. The button on the spinning chairs has been replaced with a lever and dubbed a "love handle." A LOVE HANDLE. The creative team deserves to be fired immediately.

This is the laziest nonsense I've ever seen. Can we just go ahead and veto this show before it even happens?

Fox: embrace the concept of "quit while you're ahead" and just fill the time with New Girl reruns instead. Like anyone would even be mad.

Would you watch this show?