Justin,
Justin, Justin, Justin.
Let's be real for a second.
I feel like we as a society have let this go on long enough. We love you on SNL, we accepted your role in The Social Network, we even overlooked that movie that was exactly the same as that other movie about being friends with benefits.
But it's time to go back where you belong.
I saw the trailer for that baseball movie you're in with the girl from Enchanted and Clint Eastwood, and, I gotta say, you're really only okay.
You know it too, don't you? Deep down?
There, there. Don't cry. I hate being the one to have to confront you with this.* Really, I do. I want you to succeed. But this can't go on.
Do you realize how many things have happened since the last time you released an album?
We got a black president. Justin Bieber became a thing. Heck, TWITTER became a thing. Bed Intruder Song. Two separate summer Olympics. You know? That's a lot of stuff. More than half a decade's worth of stuff.
It's time you got back on that horse. And by the way--digital shorts, as much as we loved them, do not count.
I know it's hard because you want to be taken seriously as an actor, and you've already invested so much time in this whole thing. Everyone keeps telling you to go back to doing music, which probably makes you want to do it even less. I get it.
But you know, there's no shame in going back home. (Or in forgiveness. Mrs. Coach taught me that.)
I need some collaborations with B.o.B. or Nicki Minaj in my life. I need some surprise guest appearances on the VMA's.
You were the white boy boy-bander with street cred. The Biebs is taking that away from you. He even took your title as Most Popular Justin. Anyone who knows me at all knows I have nothing but respect for the Biebs, but are you going to just sit idly by and let this happen? Are you?
I'm just saying. Would you rather be a mediocre actor who people only put in movies because your name is Justin Timberlake, or a talented solo artist with a falsetto that puts all other falsettos to shame?
In the end, it's your choice. But I hope you choose wisely. For the betterment of society. And the future of dance.
P.S. if your next career move is to be a judge on a TV talent competition, so help me.
*on a blog you will never read
What's your vote: acting or music for JT?