Beyonce News: The Greatest Week of All Time

 Disclaimer: I know it's Monday and I'm usually not a Monday poster, but I really just could NOT hold it in any longer.

Guys, this has been a monumental week in Beyonce news. I almost can't believe my luck. It's like she knows my duty to report to the people all things Beyonce. It's days like these that really remind us why we do what we do, you know?

So as you probably know, Beyonce announced last week that Destiny's Child is BACK and going to put out an album. In fact, it is already out to preorder. So THIS IS HAPPENING. Not just speculation. If you pre-order it, it will come.

And as if THAT weren't enough, it was also announced that they are performing TOGETHER at the Super Bowl.

So not only do we get Beyonce at the Super Bowl, a decidedly monumental improvement from the last few years' wardrobe malfunctions and bands with singers who can't carry a tune anymore, but we get Destiny's Child.

I just...the world is finally getting on board with being awesome, you know? It's like our endurance through the years of novelty rap songs, Cher and Madonna's comebacks, and Christina's "Dirrrty" phase were all leading up to this one moment when it would all be worth it.

Sigh. Let's just bask in it for a moment.

It's kind of like Beyonce was just like, "Aw, Kanye, you and Kim are having a baby? That's adorable. I did that a year ago and now I'm fulfilling the dreams of an entire generation with a single performance. So, y'know, your move."

And this is all in the wake of Justin Timberlake's triumphant return to music. OH THE HUMANITY. (Which, P.S., you're welcome for that, you guys.)

Only in the case of Beyonce would any event even come close to rivaling that news.

Is 2013 going to be the best year ever? So far, DUH.

See ya 2012. You live in a world in which Justin is still in baseball movies and Beyonce is still a one-woman show. So two-thousand and late.

So IN YO FACE, Mayans. Maybe this is our reward for living past December 21.

If the President had come to my house over the weekend AND I'd gotten to play Just Dance on Kinect with Michelle Obama AND he had created a new position just for me, the Curator of American Pop Culture, AND Tina Fey wanted to go eat froyo with me and be my best friend, this would still be the best news I've heard all week.

I mean, surely they'll do a medley including Survivor, Independent Women, Bootylicious, and Say My Name, right? GAH I can't wait. Seriously y'all better hush during the halftime show this year.

Finally a reason to attend a super bowl party other than just "food" and "good company." Am I right?

What song do you most hope Destiny's Child reprises?

*Coming up on Beyonce News...still keeping an eye out for the documentary (#beyoncedocwatch2013) and of course reporting back on all superbowl halftime show OR Destiny's Child-related news! Stay tuned, sportsfans!

P.S. If anyone would like to create a catchy newsy-sounding sound effect/intro tune for my Beyonce News series (COUGHforfreeCOUGH), PLEASE do.

A Plea to Justin Timberlake

Justin,

Justin, Justin, Justin.

Let's be real for a second.

I feel like we as a society have let this go on long enough. We love you on SNL, we accepted your role in The Social Network, we even overlooked that movie that was exactly the same as that other movie about being friends with benefits.

But it's time to go back where you belong.

I saw the trailer for that baseball movie you're in with the girl from Enchanted and Clint Eastwood, and, I gotta say, you're really only okay.

You know it too, don't you? Deep down?

There, there. Don't cry. I hate being the one to have to confront you with this.* Really, I do. I want you to succeed. But this can't go on.

Do you realize how many things have happened since the last time you released an album?

We got a black president. Justin Bieber became a thing. Heck, TWITTER became a thing. Bed Intruder Song. Two separate summer Olympics. You know? That's a lot of stuff. More than half a decade's worth of stuff.

It's time you got back on that horse. And by the way--digital shorts, as much as we loved them, do not count.

I know it's hard because you want to be taken seriously as an actor, and you've already invested so much time in this whole thing. Everyone keeps telling you to go back to doing music, which probably makes you want to do it even less. I get it.

But you know, there's no shame in going back home. (Or in forgiveness. Mrs. Coach taught me that.)

I need some collaborations with B.o.B. or Nicki Minaj in my life. I need some surprise guest appearances on the VMA's.

You were the white boy boy-bander with street cred. The Biebs is taking that away from you. He even took your title as Most Popular Justin. Anyone who knows me at all knows I have nothing but respect for the Biebs, but are you going to just sit idly by and let this happen? Are you?

I'm just saying. Would you rather be a mediocre actor who people only put in movies because your name is Justin Timberlake, or a talented solo artist with a falsetto that puts all other falsettos to shame?

In the end, it's your choice. But I hope you choose wisely. For the betterment of society. And the future of dance.

P.S. if your next career move is to be a judge on a TV talent competition, so help me.

*on a blog you will never read

What's your vote: acting or music for JT?