Meanwhile, In Canada: Inmates Escape Via Helicopter

This is a real news story that really happened this week.

Two inmates escaped from a maximum security prison via a hijacked helicopter in Quebec on Sunday afternoon. The helicopter literally dropped down ropes for them and then flew away.

I mean, y'all, I don't endorse escaping from prison or dumb ideas in general, but this particular dumb idea is pretty awesome.

I just kind of like that someone was ballsy enough to think, y'know what, we're not only going to escape from jail, but we're going to do it in a helicopter in broad daylight and shimmy up some ropes like it's freaking Mission: Impossible. And the other guy like high-fived him and they began using their allotted one phone call per day for months to plan this out with their non-incarcerated friends who for some unknown reason like these people enough (or owe them a large enough debt) that they are willing to take the 100% chance of going to jail as well (because let's face it, this is not ending well).

If you think about it, it's kind of like the guys who lowered the sick man into the temple from the roof for Jesus to heal, right?

No...you're right, it's not like that at all.

I also like that they got about half a day of freedom before they were apprehended and put back in jail. I mean, was it worth it? Was it worth using all your phone calls over who knows how long just to get to go eat at Chili's or whatever then get put right back in jail, when you could have been talking about like the Walking Dead or Tierra's sparkle on the phone with your mom or something? I'm just asking.

Now you're all in jail.

But you know, I guess you are forever the guys who ascended out of a prison into a helicopter and flew away while everyone just looked on dumbfounded because I mean really when does this ever happen in life? So...good on ya, mate. (If you are Australian and/or British please feel free to correct me on how people usually spell that phrase. And also please send Cadbury chocolate.)

I like to think in some alternate reality Chris Harrison was in on this (because he likes to be included). Like he went rogue and actually swiped the helicopter from the Bachelor warehouse (they must have invested in their own helicopter by now), then piloted it over a Canadian prison to help inmates escape.

Sorry all my references are Bachelor-related lately. I don't really know what else to do with all this nonsense in my head, especially now that The Bachelor isn't on anymore and Sean is now on Dancing with the Stars and I have to decide whether or not it is worth enduring to watch Sean try to dance on national television. But let's face it he'll probably be surprisingly graceful and win over the hearts of millions like he does every second he's on TV.

Back to the story.

The suspects escaped in a white Cadillac Escalade, which is another tile in the rich mosaic of their heinously conspicuous plan.

The police tracked the helicopter these guys RENTED and then hijacked, then they tracked the Escalade, and had them back in custody like six hours later after a shootout.

Just terrible planning all around, but I suppose if you're going to legit ESCAPE from prison, stealth is not really in the cards.

Can't believe this happened in Canada. Even our prisoners are lazy.

What do you think was the logic behind this plot? (Or was there any?)

A Peek Inside My Bachelor Bracket (Because I Made One)

If you follow me on Twitter (which, feel free to do by the way...hint, hint), you may know I watch The Bachelor.

It took a lot of effort for me to write that without a disclaimer.

This is because I'd never watched the show (or its female counterpart) until last year when I stumbled upon this fellow Knox McCoy's scathing-in-the-best-way recaps of the show on his blog. I started reading them and could not stop laughing. I had no idea who these insane people were, but reading the recaps made me wish I did.

So I came in on the last few episodes of Ben's season of The Bachelor to see who "Rabbit Face" and "Horse Lindsay" were. Spoiler alert: everyone was terrible...especially Ben.

Now I watch it so I can be in the cool [term used very loosely] circle of people who watch it every week then deconstruct it and make fun of it while simultaneously hate/loving it. But we all do it together so we're not crazy right? Right??

All that to say, I struggle to tell people I have to get home to watch The Bachelor without following it with "because we cut cable and I can't wait until the next day to see it online because this guy I know from the Internet writes these recaps on Tuesdays and there's a podcast too and a girl who looks like a bridge troll and I JUST CAN'T MISS IT OKAY?"

[deep breath]

So to bring you back to where I started, my name is Laura McClellan, and I watch The Bachelor. (I just cringed again even though you now know I totally watch it ironically and not because I believe in "finding love" this way and you can totally understand that right?)

Ahem.

The most recent run of The Bachelorette was my first full season of watching, so this is my second go-round. (Click here to read my love letter to One-F Jef, a hipster mormon who ended up WINNING the whole thing. Gotta love a Cinderella story.)

My husband and I decided to make it even more obvious that we have too much time on our hands by making a bracket to predict the outcome of the show.

Rules were we could reevaluate after the first episode (since we had gotten to know the girls a bit), then fill out the rest of the bracket. No changing after that.

[Click here to see a cheat sheet of all the girls to help you keep the names straight]

Here is my bracket as it stands currently:

I'm still feeling pretty good about my top 2 - Des and Lesley (Desley?) - and I'm hoping Catherine sticks around for a while, because I like her a lot, but I think AshLee (yes, real spelling) might edge her out down the road. Especially since she's the only one who got Sean to cry out of sympathy on her date and she handled the theme-park-with-terminally-ill-children thing like a pro. In wedges. Her niceness always surprises me despite her mean-looking face.

I'm also a little concerned about how swiftly Sean's brain turns to applesauce whenever Selma is around because I kind of can't stand her and didn't think she would go very far. Mostly due to her voice. She's like an Arabic Kim Kardashian. Wait, is Kim Kardashian Arabic to begin with? Her name sounds Middle Eastern, I guess. Have I just never made that connection? I'm getting off track.

CURRENT BRACKET RUINERS:

Kacie B. She totally ruined my bracket by doing that whole "Um, Shaw-un, these girls are being mildly dramatic and I'm allergic to drama so it's making it impossible for me to function as a normal human being so I just really needed to bring it to your attention so you can help me be a person" and Sean was all "Uh why are you telling me this again?" and then Kacie scrunches up her face a lot and he sends her home privately during the rose ceremony--which I think is more embarrassing than sending you home the normal way--but whatever.

Valiant effort, Kacie B, but I expected more out of your manipulation skills since you were on Ben's season which is why I put you in my top 4. GAH. Why you gotta play me like that?

Daniella. She only gets camera time when they want to show her mispronouncing something or being kindly corrected by Leslie that Atlantis is not the same thing as Hades. She kinda looks a fool 24/7 and I'm not really sure why she's still there. I had her knocked out after week 2 so she's really cramping my style.

The rest I feel okay about. Boring Leslie leaving this week was helpful. Hoping Daniella is the next to go or we're going to have a problem.

If you watch the show, who would you put in your top 4? (HOMETOWN DATES, Y'ALL.)

If not, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you judge me for this post? (REMEMBER THE IRONIC THING,GUYS)