What Instagram Can Do With Swiss Miss

It's hard to believe there was once a time when we might have felt like losers for taking a night in rather than going out. Yes, we'd sit on the couch with our beverage of choice, cue up the DVR, lounge in our comfy pants and sigh, "I bet other people are doing things more interesting than I am." But not anymore.

Now, we have Twitter and Instagram. Now we can make any otherwise insignificant activity seem like an event in and of itself.

An average night at home can turn into a Christmassy wonderland in just a few moments with the addition of some instant Swiss Miss hot chocolate, a DVD of Elf and the "Rise" filter.

Things like reading, cooking dinner or writing thank-you notes may seem mundane, but simply documenting our activities can make them into A Thing when previously they were perhaps not so special.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Exhibit A:

"Spending the evening writing thank-you notes with a glass of wine while Mariah serenades me! #thisisthelife"

Exhibit B:

"Relaxing night reading my favorite book with my favorite people! [insert Instagram photo of a book page and family in the background]"

I myself have taken part in this numerous times, and I submit that this is actually a positive thing. It's optimistic. Suddenly "man, I have to write thank-you notes" or "man, I have nothing to do tonight" turns into a little space you've created and added comforts to to make your night feel special.

But of course, it doesn't count unless no one sees it, so we have to arrange the coffee cup or the wine glass next to the DVD with the Christmas tree in the background so that others can get the full effect and be totes jeal. [Yep, I said totes jeal. Probably erased any inclination you had whatsoever to be totes jeal of me in any capacity due to my lack of coolness.]

And let's face it, the likes and comments don't hurt. If someone else says your night is interesting, then it is. Y'know? It's irrefutable. It's in writing, on the Internet.

I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but I have definitely assembled inanimate objects to represent an experience a time or two. But…I just really like Instagram, you guys. It's fun. And I'm not against things that are fun.

Have you ever used Twitter or Instagram to make your otherwise-average experience A Thing?

Chris Brown and Rihanna's Instagram Crazy Parade

Apparently Chris Brown and Rihanna are causing QUITE the stir via Instagram lately. And as everyone knows, an Instagram is worth 1,000 words. Or at least a few misguided assumptions. Or beat poetry. As if Chris Brown wasn't the worst already (rivaled only by America's favorite trainwreck Lindsay Lohan), this is his latest escapade:

First, he lands himself in a Twitter feud (something I'm still only 1 percent convinced is a legitimate term) with some comedian lady and is just SO offended by the whole thing that he straight up quits Twitter altogether.

He then makes his return to social media with A VENGEANCE.

How, you ask? By posting controversial pictures of him and Rihanna on Instagram…together.

SCANDAL. INTRIGUE. ICK-FACTOR.

Everything a good publicity stunt needs.

In case you might feel uncomfortable seeing Rihanna wearing underwear paired with an oversized camo jacket while Chris Brown smokes nonchalantly in the foreground, I present you with an artist rendering of the most recent photo (by yours truly):

The "we don't care what nunna y'all think!" look on their faces says it all, doesn't it?

Click here to see the actual photo. 

(Full disclosure, if it provides any context for you, I watch Disney movies almost exclusively and the actual image didn't scar me for life. So you can probably handle it. But this is a family blog, right? Can't take any chances.)

I want to know who is TAKING these pictures. These are no myspace mirror shots, my friend. These are full-frame, planned, two-person shots with nary an arm jetting out of the frame in sight.

First of all, gross.

Second of all, would that not be the most awkward experience on the planet?

"Um, yeah, so just…look seductively at the iPhone…yup, that's fine I guess…and Chris, well, just…yep, that's douchey enough. Just keep doin' what you're doin'. Hold that pose…"

My hope is that this is all just performance art and everything that has happened with these two since approximately 2008 has all been a joke. All part of the master plan.

I don't think Chris is capable of that kind of strategic thinking, but Rihanna has to know what she's doing, right? Why else would she be putting up with this nonsense?

I think we've waited a respectable amount of time before sending in the professionals, but it's time to get Oprah in there and talk some sense into these yahoos. You know she's got opinions, right? Let her loose.

If she's busy, call Ellen. She always asks the hard questions. Maybe they'd all dance together to Crazy In Love and have a moment of clarity about where their lives are headed. Maybe they'd play a game where they had to carry balloons between their chin and their chest. I don't know; I'm not the expert mediator slash child-star-maker here. I can't do all the work.

Oh, and by the way, in the name of closure, Chris has restored his Twitter account. Which makes the hiatus about 36 seconds long. So if you were upset that you might not ever get the chance to feud with him publicly in 140-character-long arguments, never fear. That hope has been renewed.

If you could tell Rihanna (or Chris Brown) anything in light of this situation, what would it be? Who do you think would make a better mediator: Oprah or Ellen?